Feeling Happy yet Sad: Dilemma?

Yup, happy and sad; how I am feeling right now. Maybe you guys are thinking, 'How come?', 'Is it even possible to feel sad and happy at the same time?', or maybe, 'Geez, she can't differentiate between happiness and sadness'. Just for your information, I can differentiate those two feelings. I'll get to the story of how I got to a point where I'm feeling two contrast feelings at the same time.

I started the day with waking up late, and went to my old Secondary school, yep, IPEKA Tomang. I met some friends I haven't met for awhile. Then they asked me things. It felt good to finally see smiles on their faces- directly, not from photos- after a long time. I also met teachers who taught me back then- my homeroom teacher even brought me and my friend to my old 9th grade classroom. When I stepped into the classroom, I had a flashback of what it used to be.

'It was messy. Everyone was busy with their own stuffs. Some could be seen running around doing stupid things. Some would just sit while two or three friends of theirs would surround them. Some would be busy walking around to their friends' desk. The classroom's door was opened WIDE- Some children also ran off outside to meet their friends from other class or just gazing the basketball field from the second floor. Such class was surely NOISY. It was simply a chaos. Then at the end of the lesson, teachers would get frustrated and report to our form teacher on how we had behaved.' - Ah, the good ol' time.

I smiled recalling all those memories. I saw a few differences in the classroom. Like there is a little cupboard on the wall of the corner of the class now. I was about to 'take some souvenirs' with me from that cupboard but my teacher said that the owner is going to need it after the mid-term holiday - oh well, I'll come back next holiday.

Then after meeting some more teachers. A few tours in the teacher's lounge. We decided it's time to leave (We as in me and my friends). We are planning to go and watch movies - yeah finally, no more S$10 movie ticket. I headed off to Puri Mall - a mall with lots of memories, 4th October 2009 especially - using my friend's car.
There were five people inside the car and we arrived first. Oh yeah, Have I mentioned the fact that I went to the mall without bringing my wallet? So, it was like this, I was waiting for my friend when I decided to play games in my iTouch. I opened my bag, and found my iTouch - ONLY my iTouch. I phoned back home to make sure I left my wallet there, and it was in my room. Sitting nicely on my computer desk. "Great", I thought to myself. After I told my mum that I forgot to bring my wallet, she then started saying about stuffs, "It's like going to school with books", "It's like going to a war without weapons"... Is it that fatal?
Guess it is. There were lots of stuffs I wanted to do but I had to cancel them since I forgot to bring money. I even had to borrow some of my friends' money- and I hate borrowing money, I always forget to pay them, and it isn't a very good thing to do, is it? Okay,
Borrowed money for: Movie ticket & Popcorn
Then the rest of the gang finally showed up. We left the food court and headed off to the supermarket to supply ourselves with less-expensive beverages for our movies. Again - I had to borrow money for this. After everyone got their stuffs, then we went to the cinema.
We arrived early - I forgot the last time we arrived before all the lights were turned off, and the beginning of the movie started off already. We settled down, waited for the movie to play while some commercials that I honestly didn't pay attention at all... Playing on the screen. We were going to watch Alice in The Wonderland by the way.
Everything went well, when suddenly a group of kids came into the room and sat in the row behind us. My friend, who sat beside me, was totally pissed with them. Yeah, they were making a lot of annoying noises, and 'Rocked' our seats. My other friend who sat beside me said, "3D effect huh?". My friend - the pissed one - just sighed and she wished to throw the people behind into the sea. But of course she didn't. We enjoyed the movie. It was great, and of course the rocking chair effect, really nice. Seemed so real.

After the movie we didn't know what to do. Just before deciding what to do next, our friend joined in, he didn't join us in watching the movie since he watched it before. "Ok, now what?" I didn't know how things went after that, when suddenly they started to walk. I just followed them, not knowing anywhere else to go. We entered a bookshop, I still didn't know why were we there, but... oh well.

Then suddenly we got into the schoolbag section, and I still didn't know what we were doing there. So I asked a friend, and she told me, one of my friend was going to pick his birthday present, "Right". It was kind of funny. My friend was confused, he didn't know what he wanted. Some of my friends started to craze off, pointing stuff like telescopes, pen that its cost didn't make any sense, and lastly a hello kitty school bag.
My friend decided to have a school bag. So he shall have one. We helped him to choose the right one. It must be big, since it needs to carry all his school stuffs. As we helped him to pick his bags, I realized that the shop assistants started to stare at us with confusion and concern. Finally, my friend made up his mind and choose a bag. Happy Bday dude! We collected money among ourselves to pay for the bag, and guess what... I had to borrow money - again. My friend got his present, and we walked out from the store.
We then decided to eat at a restaurant that might soon blacklist us- for reference see 4th October Notes. We entered the restaurant, find ourselves seats. Choosing from the menu. And shoot... Now how was I supposed to eat without bringing any money - okay had to fully admit, this is FATAL. I wanted to skip dinner, but all my friends were really, really tolerant, nice, and understanding. For short, I had to borrow money... again. (Note to self, make sure you bring your wallet. Period.)
We chit- chatted. Just a simple conversation, talking about stuffs. Bullying the others (sins committed today: countless), telling stories, and so on.We ended our dinner with stupid ritual. Yes, creating a new dish from the leftovers. I think they're going to upload the photo of our masterpiece - it looked like an oyster... I tried making letters from the chili sauce, writing one of my friend's name. Then my friends, gave coins for the tips... 4-5 coins. My friend without noticing that the waiter was right behind him, counting the coins and announced the little amount of the money. Then we walked off the restaurant happily. Okay, now the restaurant is going to ban us for sure.

I went home that day with two of my friends. Along the way, we talked about a lot of stuffs - well , not a lot, only one, but it was SUPER fun. We laughed, especially when we saw a bunch of cops running around the neighborhood, I said something and we laughed all the way. I asked my mom to bring money so I could pay my debt when she picked me up. Okay. Half of my debt is gone.

I went home, then chatted with some of my friends. I sat in front of my computer, then I looked at the calender beside it. There was a circle on tomorrow's date, "It's time already huh". I was just looking at pictures in photos that people tagged me in. I accidentally clicked the last page of that section.

I was stunned. I saw my old photos. I saw times when we were getting pictures for my yearbook. Photos of my graduation. Photos when I went to Bali. Photos when I went to Puncak. Photos when I had barbecue party. Photos when it was my friend's birthday. It happened all so fast. All the good memories. All the good times.

Here are some of my favorites photos:

When I look at the picture, it seems so peaceful. There was no worry. No burdens.

This one is my favorite too. Took by my lunatic friend, Zen. Everyone looked so happy. I wonder why everyone was smiling, this photo is really GOOD. Love it. :x

Taken in... Wait I know. Senayan City. Hope I'm right, it's after watching a movie. With hamsters, (I forgot :))) Taken last year.

After seeing this picture, I don't feel like going back. When I'm here, in Indonesia. Everything seems right. I had a lot of fun with these beloved friends of mine. Who have accompanied me for 3 years in secondary school.

"A good friend is hard to find, and also hard to leave."

It's hard but I got over it. I'm going to miss them, but it's okay. I'll come back next holiday. To have more fun with them. :)) Now excuse me, I have an oreo ice cream waiting for me. After that, I have to pack my stuffs. See you in June! :D

What Is Love?


It's been awhile now. I'm now back home in Indonesia :x. It's 14th March! Yipee! So I decided to make a post related to love. Haha. Well, hope you don't mind reading it :)

You know, love is the most confusing thing in the world. It has no absolute answer. Unlike some questions, ‘What is gravity?’, ‘How does a rain occur?’, ‘How far is the earth from the sun?’ Those are questions which appear on exam papers. Questions which although are asked from different people, have the same answers. Questions which don’t depend on different kind of views. How about love? It is unique. It is exclusive.  It doesn’t have any formula like equations in math. It doesn’t have any classification like biology. It couldn’t be summarized into fifteen points like an English essay. Love is something that makes even the smartest person in the world… confused. Well, if you ask me what love is, it’s something random.

Like example…


It’s raining outside, and I sit nearby the window. I’m all alone in this room, it’s so quiet. Only the soft melody of, ‘Need you now – Lady Antebellum’ is playing.  I gazed at the tranquilizing view. My mind is empty for awhile, when I started to think whether he is looking at the rain like I am. And then, from my laptop, ‘Need You Now’ – a song that I keep playing on repeat, I noticed a piece of lyric from the song,


And I wonder if I ever cross your mind,

For me it happens all the time…


That’s the moment when I feel love.


Or the time when I called my friend. Just talking non-stop for 1-2 hours. Chit-chattering about unimportant stuffs. Old School. New gossips. Her studies. Funny stories. Crying out loud, sharing problems. Complaining about current life. Not forgetting to mock each other, semi-bullying each other, or to simply insult each other. To end with a laughter and promise to see each other.


That’s the moment when I feel love.


Or like now. When I'm in my home country. Enjoying my old but comfortable bed. The cool breeze of the air- con. The smell of the perfume, I used to use. Hiding my face between the pillows. Again, I smell the detergent that my house uses. I looked around this small room... And smiled.


Those are also the times when I feel love.


Random isn’t it? It happens to everyone. Love isn't just about opposite sex. Love toward your parent. Your pet. Your hobbies. Your friends. Your favorite shoe. Your siblings. Your cousins. 

In the end, we keep asking the same question, ‘Is this love?’ The answer to that question couldn’t be find in books. We couldn’t google to find the answer. We couldn’t ask our teacher about it. ‘What is love?’ a question which is asked by so many people also has so many different answers. The answer hides in each of us. There is no right or wrong answer. It’s something which you can’t learn or find. You must feel it.

Happy White day everyone :)

PS: I never said I'm in love. Haha. It's just an example, based on my PAST experience :))